Party

Nextdoor - I could ask them to turn the music down; or I could join them: but I wouldn't know what to say. I would freeze up and end up just listening when I have so much to say that they ought to listen to, that they would want to hear. I fear my eloquence and intelligence would not fit in with a crowd of ignorant ambitious 9-5ers. People enjoy discussing nonsense, talking about nothing, while I cannot stand to lack meaning: if you cannot tell me something I don't know, some truth I haven't heard, why would I even talk with you, unless you appreciate that I am teaching you, and yearn to hear what I have to say next, which I find, in many places such as at class, but would never instantly find at a party, unless I could act so "cool" as to intimidate others to want to speak to me at which point I would just suceed in overcoming whatever it is they would have to say. But why attempt to act "cool", another abstract concept with no meaning. Cool is what we live for most of our lives, what attracts; but this shows that you care more about how others see you than about how you see yourself: be who you want to be, not what society trys to get everyone to want to conform to. I don't need reassurance that I am irrefutable, irresistable, wonderful, overwhelming, amazing (pretentious), insane; or to the contrary. I believe myself, and that is enough.