Ramble

I’ve got to reconcile this dilemma that is affecting me so much in my life.

Nomadic ramblings with my weight on my left foot
Twisted sideways to create a pain that feels relieved when I lift up my foot
to escape the strain
But I want the pain again and again
And I keep hurting myself without noticing the hurt
But acknowledging the relief
My glasses come off, for they impede my short distance vision
I only need them to see the board
As I sit in the back of the classroom
Silent
Taking in bits of the lecture
Disconnecting
Going into my own head because I find inspiration to think
To myself
When I lose inspiration with myself
I have to inspire myself
Self-motivation
And I stop writing
I stop thinking
I stop doing
I stop...

I release my foot from the pain
And it all comes back again.
I fear it will always be the same
Repetition is to blame
The best already came
Create a new name
I’ll call myself lame
Desiring fame
We’re all the same
All equally to blame
And guilt becomes shame
And the pain comes back again.